From uhog.mit.edu!news.kei.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news-feed.iguide.com!uunet!in1.uu.net!looking!funny-request Thu, 4 Apr 96 19:30:04 EST Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny From: ccook@acs.bu.edu Subject: If people bought computers like they bought cars Keywords: chuckle, computers Approved: funny-request@clari.net Path: uhog.mit.edu!news.kei.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news-feed.iguide.com!uunet!in1.uu.net!looking!funny-request Message-ID: Date: Thu, 4 Apr 96 19:30:04 EST Lines: 104 This was forwarded to me by a co-worker. Since I work in tech support I hear this kind of thing all too much, and I thought it was right on the money. I apologize if you have already seen it. -CLC WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS? General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did.... --------------------------------------------------------------- HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!" HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?" Customer: "What's an ignition?" HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine." Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?" --------------------------------------------------------------- HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!" HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?" Customer: "Huh? How do I know?" HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?" Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?" HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you." Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!" --------------------------------------------------------------- HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "Your cars suck!" HelpLine: "What's wrong?" Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!" HelpLine: "What were you doing?" Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won't start now! HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?" Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash any more!" --------------------------------------------------------------- HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks." HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" Customer: "How do I work it?" HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?" Customer: "Do I know how to what?" HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?" Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!" -- Selected by Jim Griffith. MAIL your joke to funny@clari.net. Sponsored by ClariNet Communications Corp. (http://www.clari.net) If you post instead of mailing, it screws up the reply-address sometimes. Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.