From mit-eddie!ns.gte.com!gte.com!jmc0 Thu Oct 26 00:49:49 1995 Return-Path: Subject: Additional research on FBS (Fake Blonde Syndrome) From: Bruce Wehr Path: ceylon!news2.near.net!elvis.delphi.com!uunet!in1.uu.net!looking!funny-request Date: Tue, 24 Oct 95 3:20:17 EDT Responding to the research on Fake Blondes posted here earlier, a co-worker, Don Reeck, adds: ======================================================================= Gee, kind of a restrictive treatise on the FB phenomonon. It totally fails to include causative effects outside of the experimental scope of his theory. For example, it has already been proven (refer to the Journal of TV Advertising, circa 1967 or the Journal of Irreproduceable Results, 1984) that one characteristic of the larger set B (blondes) is that they have More Fun. ( MF is proportional to B, with the limit being reached when B approaches TB, or Totally Blonde) However, MF may itself depend on another factor, MTL, or Male Testosterone Level. As MTL increases, the attraction for B or FB increases. In other words, in high testosterone cases, the tendency to seek out blondes wishing to have more fun increases. ((author's note: this is where the logic gets a little fuzzy, as it will in any biological experiment, and traditional mathematics fails to adequately model the phenomonon) The connection is therefore obvious, it is really the MTL factor that tends to dominate the energy, or forcing, function in this reaction. It should be obvious that FB would not occur by itself; ie. there is no forcing function in either of the proposed equations ( d=F(b), or fb=G(d). In other words, there is no concentration gradient in d=F(b) that would skew the results towards B in preferrence to R or Bl or any other possible outcome. One obvious result of this research is that the original work must be put to the test. Does the MF equation really hold? If it does, then the next questions would logically be as follow: Why does MTL cause the phenomonon known as "Gentlemen prefer blondes"? Does MF correlate more strongly with the condition of the F-factor (female being blonde) or the M-factor (high MTL men prefer blondes) or even the A-factor (advertising can make us believe really stupid things). This, then, brings us full circle to again consider the relationship of D (dumbness) as it relates to the three factors (M,F,A) and to the original postulate, d=F(fb). My hypothesis is that the d-factor most strongly affects, or is affected by, male testosterone level. In fact, empirical evidence strongly suggests that d and MTL show an exponential correlation; ie. dumbness increases exponentially as MTL increases. This evidence is widely available in such respected Journals as Inside Sports, Sport Magazine, Boxing Today, and Sports Illustrated as well as in television documentaries such as Monday Night Football, to name but a few. Left unexplored in this treatise is the question of why females are attracted to, and wish to please, men with high MTL. If this question can be answered, we will be a long way towards explaining the fb syndrome. -- Selected by Jim Griffith. MAIL your joke to funny@clari.net. This newsgroup is sponsored by ClariNet Communications Corp. Read about The Internet Joke Book -- the best of RHF at http://www.clari.net/inetjoke.html