From mit-eddie!ns.gte.com!gte.com!jmc0 Sat Jul 29 23:25:18 1995
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From: Adam Allouba <rwilco@interlog.COM>
Subject: The history of DOS
Path: ceylon!news2.near.net!howland.reston.ans.net!gatech!hookup!nic.wat.hookup.net!metrics.com!news.maplesoft.on.ca!dogmead!looking!funny-request
Date: Wed, 26 Jul 95 4:30:02 EDT

Found this gem on the NANET Comedy Conference. If you know anything about
DOS vs Windows vs OS/2 vs... then READ IT.

                        How It Came To Pass...

 Long ago, in the days when all disks flopped in the breeze and the
 writing of words was on a star, the Blue Giant dug for the people the
 Pea Sea.  But he needed a creature who could sail the waters, and would
 need for support but few rams.

 So the Gatekeeper, who was said to be both micro and soft, fashioned a
 Dosfish, who was small and spry, and could swim the narrow sixteen-bit
 channel.  But the Dosfish was not bright, and could be taught few new
 tricks. His alphabet had no A's, B's, or Q's, but a mere 640 K's, and
 the size of his file cabinet was limited by his own fat.

 At first the people loved the Dosfish, for he was the only one who
 could swim the Pea Sea.  But the people soon grew tired of commanding
 his line, and complained that he could be neither dragged nor dropped.
 "Forsooth," they cried. "the Dosfish can only do one job at a time, and
 of names, he knows only eight and three."  And many of them left the
 Pea Sea for good, and went off in search of the Magic Apple.

 Although many went, far more stayed, because admittance to the Pea Sea
 was cheap.  So the Gateskeeper studied the Magic Apple, and rested
 awhile in the Parc of Xer-Ox, and he made a Window that could ride on
 the Dosfish and do its thinking for it.  But the Window was slow, and
 it would break when the Dosfish got confused.  So most people contented
 themselves with the Dosfish.

 Now it came to pass that the Blue Giant came upon the Gateskeeper, and
 spoke thus: "Come, let us make of ourselves something greater than the
 Dosfish." The Blue Giant seemed like a humbug, so they called the new
 creature OZ II.

 Now Oz II was smarter than the Dosfish, as most things are.  It could
 drag and drop, and could keep files without becoming fat. But the
 people cared for it not.  So the Blue Giant and the Gateskeeper
 promised another OZ II, to be called Oz II Too, that could swim the
 fast new 32-bit wide Pea Sea.

 Then lo, a strange miracle occurred.  Although the Window that rode on
 the Dosfish was slow, it was pretty, and the third Window was the
 prettiest of all.  And the people began to like the third Window, and
 to use it.  So the Gateskeeper turned to the Blue Giant and said, "Fie
 on thee, for I need thee not.  Keep thy OZ II Too, and I shall make of
 my Window an Entity that will not need the Dosfish, and will swim in
 the 32-bit Pea Sea."

 Years passed, and the workshops of the Gateskeeper and the Blue Giant
 were overrun by insects. And the people went on using their Dosfish
 with a Window; even though the Dosfish would from time to time become
 confused and die, it could always be revived with three fingers.

 Then there came a day when the Blue Giant let forth his OZ II Too onto
 the world.  The Oz II Too was indeed mighty, and awesome, and required
 a great ram, and the world was changed not a whit. For the people said,
 "It is indeed great, but we see little application for it."  And they
 were doubtful, because the Blue Giant had met with the Magic Apple, and
 together they were fashioning a Taligent, and the Taligent was made of
 objects, and was most pink.

 Now the Gateskeeper had grown ambitious, and as he had been ambitious
 before he grew, he was now more ambitious still.  So he protected his
 Window Entity with great security, and made its net work both in
 serving and with peers. And the Entity would swim, not only in the Pea
 Sea, but in the Oceans of Great Risk.  "Yea," the Gateskeeper declared,
 "though my entity will require a greater ram than Oz II Too, it will be
 more powerful than a world of Eunuchs.

 And so the Gateskeeper prepared to unleash his Entity to the world, in
 all but two cities.  For he promised that a greater Window, a greater
 Entity, and even a greater Dosfish would appear one day in Chicago and
 Cairo, and it too would be built of objects.

 Now the Eunuchs who lived in the Oceans of Great Risk, and who scorned
 the Pea Sea, began to look upon their world with fear. For the Pea Sea
 had grown, and great ships were sailing in it, the Entity was about to
 invade their oceans, and it was rumored that files would be named in
 letters greater than eight. And the Eunuchs looked upon the Pea Sea,
 and many of them thought to immigrate.

 Within the Oceans of Great Risk were many Sun Worshippers, and they
 wanted to excel, and make their words perfect, and do their jobs as
 easy as one-two-three.  And what's more, many of them no longer wanted
 to pay for the Risk.  So the Sun Lord went to the Pea Sea, and got
 himself eighty-sixed.

 And taking the next step was He of the NextStep, who had given up
 building his boxes of black.  And he proclaimed loudly that he could
 help anyone make wondrous soft wares, then admitted meekly that only
 those who know him could use those wares, and he was made of objects,
 and required the biggest ram of all.

 And the people looked out upon the Pea Sea, and they were sore amazed.
 And sore confused.  And sore sore.  And that is why, to this day, Ozes,
 Entities, and Eunuchs battle on the shores of the Pea Sea, but the
 people still travel on the simple Dosfish.

--
Selected by Jim Griffith.  MAIL your joke to funny@clari.net.
The "executive moderator" is Brad Templeton.

Please!  No copyrighted stuff.  Also no "mouse balls," dyslexic agnostics,
Clinton/Yeltsin/Gates meets God, or "OJ will walk" jokes.