Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: MGLASS@fnalv.fnal.gov (Michael Glass at Fermilab)
Subject: If only the IRS were run like Microsoft
Date: Mon, 28 Nov 94 19:30:06 EST

"Government should be run like  a  business."  We've  all  heard  that
chestnut.  Here is how the Internal Revenue Service (nobody's favorite
government agency) would be like, if only it were run  like  Microsoft
Corp.  (a successful private enterprise).

The  IRS,  as  always, announces new tax forms will be mailed the week
before the new year.  However it will follow Microsoft's  example  and
actually ship them the following May.

Responding  to  pressure  from  some  large  corporations and a users'
group, some early copies of the tax forms will actually be released in
March.  The recipients must sign non-disclosure agreements.

In  June,  the forms will be recalled because the IRS loses a suit for
appropriating some other country's intellectual property.

When you move, the IRS will continue to send  mail  to  your  previous
address  forevermore,  just  like  Microsoft sends its product upgrade
notices.

When you upgrade from form 1040 EZ to 1040 A, and then  to  1040,  you
will  pay  an  upgrade  fee each time.  Also you need to send in a new
registration card and get a new Social Security Number.  In  order  to
upgrade,  you  have to submit the original first page of your previous
year's form.

Like Microsoft, when you file a late or amended  tax  return  the  IRS
will  reject  it  on  the grounds that the the prior year is no longer
supported.

The IRS telephone help will remain similar to Microsoft's, staffed  by
ill-trained,  high-turnover  personnel  who  sometimes  give a correct
answer, but the IRS will have to discontinue using a  toll-free  phone
number.

After  struggling with reams of dense documentation of complex options
and rules, you discover that you will need publication  3297,  with  a
ten-word-long  title,  in  order to answer (you hope) a single obscure
question.  The IRS, like Microsoft, will charge a minimum of  $40  for
that publication.

The IRS, like Microsoft, will continue to issue immense volumes of bug
fixes, interpretations,  and  clarifications.   However  the  tax-rule
updates should be neither easily searchable nor well-indexed.

Instead  of  three-ring  binders  containing complete sets of tax code
bugs and  interpretations,  IRS  rulings  will  be  promulgated  in  a
haphazard  fashion  by  individual  taxpayers  via  BBS,  Usenet,  and
Compuserve.  A for- profit publishing subsidiary would also be nice.

The new all-powerful (and eccentric) Commissioner of Internal  Revenue
will  jet  around  the  country  giving speeches and granting numerous
interviews, but only to sycophantic reporters. Changes to the tax code
will  be at the whim of the Commissioner and largely kept secret until
they are published.

Michael Glass  mglass@fnalv.fnal.gov
Reva Freedman  freedman@merle.acns.nwu.edu